Dread

The future
for what may come
I do not know
I never know
My heart may just
stop
I may be bombed
Or a supernova
all death
the unknown

If one fears fear one still fears nevertheless

And we fear something
where we wish we could
just remain collected

Can we love fear?
Danger and threat
gives a rush, a high,
worry and stress
is what certain people want,
perhaps they feel secure,
or they simply enjoy
the tension, the intensity
of suffering:

they feel good about feeling bad for themselves

feeling hard done by,
satisfied with their dissatisfaction,

perhaps they believe that the worse they feel the better they'll feel

that with bad necesarily comes good
in equal portions
but they torment themselves for this
and don't have time for the good

It can't be good to love fear

Surely we can fear love
if it has hurt us so
and we are not willing
to give it a second chance

But Dread is pointless
absolutely: when we fear
the unknown we are loving
fear - we are indulging
our tragic desire to worry,
things we may never know we
will never cease to worry about
things we may come to know about
we can prepare for, but we will
never know how its going to turn out
until it does, not as we expected it:
leave this realm to the fates:
whatever happens happens
we'll do what we want whether its
right or wrong and just know
that what we did we wanted to do,
or we would've done otherwise.

Its a waste of time for we could think of
millions of things we don't know to fear:
but those things we can do something about,
the answer is be prepared, and then just let
whatever happens happen.

Perhaps this is shitty advice reiterated over and over, unconvincing, too optimistic, and incoherent, but its the truth, so help me God.