Poiesis

As the sun begins to rise from behind the skyscrapers the clear sky,
white blue yellow into the horizon,
lights up the room as I turn off my lamps and prepare to go to sleep for a day,
tired but proud of the day and night's accomplishments,
having finally eradicated excess desire,
boredom and suffering,
I can feel nothing but joyous bliss while happily patiently awaiting death,
I expect to feel pain and misery,
sadness and depression,
anger and hatred,
resentment and regret,
accompanied by confused thoughts that won't assemble even into any clear structure,
forgetting will save the day when it's used to ruining it,
I have so much I have to do that I continue to put off,
the music must stop.
I will have no peace even with castrato's chanting "love" incessantly,
to sweet soft harmonious organ chords,
or the sound of children laughing in melodious ryhthm:
the devil's trombone out of key blasting behind karaoke,
revelie repeating itself and the alarm not stopping;
But hope for the peace and joy the next day will bring,
having no desire to want to gratify that is unattainable,
no suffering but the boredom that arises when desire pesters,
when I let my guard down and a want sneaks in causing havoc,
upsetting the sleep of the soldiers,
yet always failing to destroy the structure it wants to demolish,
as it is caught almost instantly only increasing security,
protecting the peace of suffering/want/boredom's absence,
being toward death enjoying the ability to be patient,
for the time will come when there will be no more time to be patient,
to wait,
and then,
no more.

Investigation into the root of desire

Tonight I'm really stupid:
I'm fucked up,
I can hardly think,
I feel ill,
I'm swearing!
This must be bad.

But listen, this just may be good, ie. very revealing:

Maybe its at times like these that I am most true to reality:
Less enthusiastically optimistic, more dear to the harsh tragic pessimism that comes hand in hand with the true nature of human existence in suffering.

Its the struggle between optimism and pessimism, the latter of which has at this moment taken over once again: perhaps all optimism is an illusion intended to avoid, escape from, reject in any way possible the tragedy and pathos that, being the true reality, is ineluctably inescapable. We try to justify our motivation, perserverance, diligence towards attaining our goals by truly believing that they will certainly inevitably be attained, for why try if you don't believe you'll attain them? Moreover we fail to realize that life is suffering in struggling to attain goals that if attained bring boredom and the desire to attain new goals etc... All because desire always, albeit subconsciously, desires desire. Perhaps knowing this leads us to overcome desire by our ceasing to desire desire and hence the eradication of desire external to need. We must enjoy what we need to have and have to want, in order to do this. We must be able to switch our desire on and off, the former for pleasure or if necessary, the latter for prudence (in postponing gratification for greater(more intense), however brief, pleasure upon fulfillment - an illusion unavoidably leading to boredom - or because now, in difficulty, is not the time to be yearning avoiding reality struggling: it is unaffordable) or to avoid pain(in wanting something we can't have, or forever something new)

or because, and this might seem strange (and confused although I can't seem to express it), suffering and being optimistic, wanting to avoid pain, we think it better to not expect to attain, to perservere without wanting, perhaps to be proud of our hard work indifferent to the outcome - like enjoying the process towards the goal's attainment irrespective of whether it is attained, and I say better to not want to attain the goal so as to avoid disappointment but all along only want to enjoy the process and be proud of your diligence:

but here we are still wanting even if what we are wanting is to not want to want, or simply to not want anymore: we must want to think to think, to do to do, to not want or even to want: we have to want to want to not want to want (to want to not want to want to want...) - but that doesn't make sense: it's like saying we have to want in order to and at the same time as not wanting; while it means that we CAN not want, so long as we want, which can mean that we're not really not wanting because we have to want to not want, or that we CAN not want because we get what we want, um, I forget: I guess now I really believe that believing in the ability to not want is actually silly because you always have to want at the same time as not wanting in order to not want which you can't do because wanting to not want is still wanting and you can not not want without wanting (to want) to not want, which means that having to want to want in order to want to not want shows that you can only want to not want and never not want: the goal of not wanting can never be attained because you have to want to attain that goal: it is an asymptotic curve that never reaches but always gets closer to its goal, which, therefore, being unattainable, must be canceled out.

I guess this only proves that you CAN not want to want but to no avail because you have to want to do this. And/Or that you cannot want to not want without actually wanting, which means that you actually want if/when you don't want to want, namely to not want to want, and again the above.

In English: if I don't want to want a new pair of shoes I probably am fighting with the fact that I want them so badly and I wouldn't be fighting unless I really wanted to stop myself from wanting these shoes: I have to want (to fight - to not want) if I don't want to want the shoes anymore. Or more simply, in order to not want something you have to want to not want that something. Hence, if what you don't want is to want, you have to want to not want to want; so, you cannot not want to want but only want to not want to want; therefore trying to not want to want is pointless for we will always ineluctably want: not wanting itself is a goal we can never reach for we have to want to do this: you can never reach not wanting from wanting:

Finally, to end a long, truthful, dull, simple, but to the heart endeavor with a provocative but surely ludicrous statement,

perhaps we can never not want anything: perhaps we want everything but some things less than others: we cannot avoid wanting and therefore wanting to want(even to not want - the paradox, asymptote, whatever), an insatiable desire to desire that leaves out nothing: if we have to want to not want something we nevertheless put desire into that object, the desire to not desire that object, but if we cannot not desire, but only desire not to desire, never reaching the absence of desire(destination) riding in desire(vehicle), we have to want everything just each to its own degree.

Then perhaps we want to not want to want more than anything, for wanting inherently and unavoidably brings about suffering: but this we can never attain, which is like saying that we suffer at a deeper and more intense level because we cannot not suffer.

This is what it means to say we all want what we cannot attain, freedom from suffering through freedom from desire which (being inescapable) causes suffering because it wants what it cannot attain, freedom from suffering through freedom from desire which...(repeat).

Whereas, I've just realized, it is possible to not want, namely what you already possess. So can it therefore be possible to not want what you don't already have?

More importantly, if you must necessarily not want what you already have, unless you want to take hold of or use it for a particular reason, and you already have want, perhaps you can not want want (or TO want?) without wanting to. But perhaps you subconsciously want to not want what you already have, namely want, or else want is always something you take hold of or use to do or think anything, in which case in the case of want itself you cannot not want it even though you already possess it.

Perhaps want itself never ceases because even though we possess what we wanted there is always more to possess and want is never satisfied because it always wants more in addition to itself which is why it wants more. So I guess in conclusion we must say the simple truth that we may cease wanting things that we previously wanted (can we say we do not necessarily want everything because some things may not bring us pleasure - another topic - but pain? But wanting itself brings us pain because it can never attain all the things it wants, namely everything and what it cannot possibly have, so we do not want to want because it brings us pain, while we have to want this, bringing us more pain: so, I presume, we have to want pain as well because we have to want to not want pain, but if we already have pain from simply having to want, we cannot want pain anymore other than to use it: because we have desire we have pain which we can't desire because we already have it! This is the reason why pain is pain, why we can't enjoy suffering, why all is either suffering or boredom, like they say, and if you already possess suffering - there is no suffering - you must be constantly bored. If boredom is painful life is tragic, if I can learn to somehow enjoy, appreciate, accept, overcome, justify, argue out of it, life is inherently joyous: I guess we can say that boredom can nurture patience which creates magnanimity, but that is ethical, meaning that those who react against boredom are more often criminals than those who learn patience from it - but when we are not attempting to satisfy our needs we are bored, even novel things are inherently boring because we have to want to do them and it is boring to want. Perhaps this is the key to not wanting: eventually we just get bored of wanting and stop wanting without wanting to! But then would not wanting also get boring? No because without wanting there is no boredom, just peace: so to summarize, we are always bored because we already have suffering, given to us by desire's wants and inescapability - and when you have something you cannot want it - but then boredom overcomes desire by becoming bored of it and ends desire in turn ending boredom: the circle collapses on itself! Now I find myself in a position entirely free and at peace to wait for death in peace. But a gray area has arisen: what is the difference between want and need? Where is the line drawn? I have now found myself feeling as if I need things that I really only want because I have become accustomed to luxuries. And I feel as if I need the things that I am already addicted to. Then there is the medium between want and need, the have to want, sex, which we have to want because the biological purpose of our lives embedded in our very nature is to reproduce, to copy and pass on our DNA: if reproduction was simply a want I would no longer want it, I would be bored of it before having ever reproduced, but it only becomes a want after you feel you have had enough children, or do we inherently never feel as if we've had enough children? But, having not yet copied my DNA I feel the need, or the have to want (to have to have), children and hence everything that could help or contribute to my finding a mate, having and raising children, would become a have to want (possibly here even to have to have) - nearly but not needs - and would still be wanted/needed irrespective of the eradication of desire by boredom. This category would encompass most goals and quite a fair bit of other stuff (requiring unselfish intentions), reduced once you have found a mate (clothes), but not everything: life becomes a struggle again, to find a suitable mate and reproduce. But this if and only if you don't believe reproduction to be simply a want but more. This is why we do what we do, desire what we desire, how we subconsciously eradicate silly desires and the desire to desire alongside, How we/to find peace, and only suffer if you cannot fulfill your needs or your have to wants, while enjoying the process nevertheless. It appears as if if you were to believe replication through reproduction to be simply a want and therefore something you don't want, life would be very simple: remember, enjoy the process! The greatest interlude ever!) but now possess while we must necessarily want more and more to satisfy our desire to continuously have desire, unless we get bored: The key to peace when nurtured with patience and treated with respect.

In a short poem:

As the taxis drive by my window searching hopelessly for fares:

Bored of desire,
The root of my boredom,
All annulled!
Suffering vanishes
Waiting is peace
Patience unto death

Lyrics

I use to be able to write lyrics but I've lost my ability to ryhme and everything wants to be expressed in sentences to get the point across in the best, simplest, and easiest way possible. Even my poetry is very clear and exoteric. Its the desire to be as eloquent as possible which requires accuracy and precision. But here I'm going to try to write lyrics basically by taking experiences and the beckonings of the Gods and shortening the sentences. Lets see if this works:

You think you've got me
under your control
But I feel good about
doing what you want.
You feel you owe me.
The more I give to you
The more you want to repay me.
You'll become generous,
forgiving, submissive, good.

Learn to express yourself
to restrain your truculence
To manipulate without revealing
To gain trust the quickest
And keep it the longest.

To appear submissive is
to passively manipulate,
projecting your being
in the way you act
by setting an example,
that you'll soon mimic
without realizing
you're losing yourself to me.

If you could think
If you read
If you had gone to school
You would have realized
the intricacies of the game,
You'd be able to realize
the truths I'm telling you.
You would just know.

End Lyrics: they were ok, very revealing, but they weren't that strong, my prose is much better. I'd like to keep the last word there although I don't believe we can know anything other than that we can't know that we don't know or know. We can only think we know while in fact we may be mistaken: I can't even know that I can't know anything because I may be mistaken, although I cannot be mistaken about this: I know that I can't know that I know or don't know. So we "really" can't know anything, but to assimilate to the climate that uses "know" I feel it expresses what I would want it to express that nothing else could in getting my point across in so few words.

Reach

Bleach
The soul has no color
Leech
A parasite like civilisation
Teach
And give away all your secrets?
Reach
Attain, and always want to reach for more?

Or never attain what you're reaching for?

Must we still reach?

Or is the other option death?

Hope: the illusion that you'll reach what you're reaching for

Despair: the realization that what your reaching for is unattainable,
Or, that you'll always be reaching for something more

End, or begin again, anew:
Broken passages about different things, are they only seemingly different when in fact have the potential to be related or are they actually so distant as to be truly separate topics? If you have read my previous writings you would know the answer to this before reading it, but I will answer it just in case, even before you read the next passage: I believe everything can be related in some way to everything else, everything affects everything else, all things are connected, all things are one and many and so things are all the same and all different, just as, as I have previously stated, there is a proximity in distance and a distance in proximity. Anyway,

Why do we presume that if we could turn back time we would certainly be able to redo the situation in a better way? Perhaps what we wish we should have done in fact would have turned out for the worse. Regret seems to be pointless for we never really know what would have happened if we had done something differently and whether it would have been for the better as we presume. The best thing to do is to not do anything that you would regret, but this is impossible: if you and a member of the opposite sex are flirting and the right moment arrives to initiate and you don't act on it you will regret not having acted on it while if you do initiate and he/she rejects you or the relationship ends quickly or badly with alot of pain throughout and after you would regret and wish you had never initiated. But just believing that you did the right thing, convincing yourself that you did what you wanted to do, and that doing something different would have been for the worse, is the best way to avoid regret.

And forgive yourself, if you truly believe you did the wrong thing, or didn't do what you should've done, and escape your regret. We always ask God for forgiveness, basically asking the other for forgiveness because we value ourselves as we think the other values us, and we need God's forgiveness to forgive ourselves. Forget the other in this way and rely on the self, the most important person, and if you can forgive yourself you are truly forgiven, which is so necessary for finding peace.

If we could turn back time. How about reverse time so that we are born at death and life ends back in the womb? In a sense it would be the same for, apart from dying in an accident at a young age, you would lose your intelligence at both ends and eventually would not be able to speak before dying. Although getting younger would probably be nicer that getting older, although you would have to wait a while to reach the age you wish you could stay at. You would reach it and it would be gone, either way. You would start out stupid, then become really intelligent and full of experience only to lose your intelligence and experience continuously if it were reversed. So much more. I think nature made it the best way, as

with the passage of time we realize that the way it was created and has evolved, the way things are and have become, was, by the fates, so wisely decreed, is the way it was meant to be and the best way it could have turned out: cease worry and regret for each thing that has occured was for the better, however bad you believe it was, or to put it as Yoda would: for for the better each thing turns out.

Thank you for your time, I hope you enjoyed the game: how do the two parts relate to each other? The first is tragic and the second is hope-giving. They are two sides of the coin of life: although we are destined to despair over not being able to reach our goal or always having a new goal to strive for, we must enjoy the process towards each goal's attainment and cancel out the rest that could hurt us along the way. Pessimism turns into Optimism, hope is no longer needed because we are sure we will attain our goals or not worry about not attaining them. No longer will we allow regret to smother us, but we will enter each new second confident and assured. Life is Joyous.

The Method of Discovery

The elderly have learned alot and have alot of experience but this does not necessarily mean that they have stumbled across some truths of existence, the secrets of life that lead to power and peace of mind, that come only from, most who do not succeed think it painful while to succeed you must enjoy and want it, thinking about thinking itself. You must analyse why you think (or believe) what it is that you think (or believe), how you came to think (or believe) this,

why you think what it is that you think is the reason why you think what you think

Und so weite...Until you have come across the heart of the matter.

From this you can realize not only who you truly are but you can predict or even understand the way certain others work, if not all others.

Also, if you take every question to this level you will be able to out argue everyone who has not taken their questions this far, which is most people, and eventually, as in my case, you will not enjoy arguing with anyone anymore and will simply remain silent and agree with the most simple arguments because I don't want to have to teach the secrets of existence to people who may not understand, who will rephrase what I have said in a confusing, misunderstood, and incomprehensible manner. I might as well just submit myself to everyone who would not be able to understand fully what I have to give them, or to those who would not appreciate what they have received. RESTRAIN YOUR TRUCULENCE and submit even if it's painful to you if those around you would not understand the NEED to RESTRAIN their TRUCULENCE, or would misunderstand and confuse your arguments, giving them away to people who would do the same. Wisdom is precious: you don't want people overcoming your arguments with your own arguments or even simply spitting your arguments back at you. Secrets must be kept, basically.

The method was easily put but may be difficult to understand, as I intended. This method should bring you to the principles, bases, origins, roots, foundations, beginnings of the thoughts in question. More importantly though, if you were to question the way you tend to act or behave in particular situations you would find the reasons why you do these things, the beliefs and principles that you hold that cause you to act in these ways, the reasons why you hold the beliefs or principles that are causing you to act in this way, and if you still believe, the reasons why you believe in these reasons,

or even the reasons why you believe in the reasons why you believe in these reasons,

etc... Method explained. We must do this if we are to come to truly learn about ourselves and from this and observation/experience come to learn about human nature in general.

Escape Nothing

Nothing is but thought
but thought makes nothing
but itself be.

Thought could make others
doubtably be, or be
despite doubtably,
make nothing not even be.

But thought seemingly
something, nothing
being everything else,
cannot escape even
this grasp.

Even though it is all
that is indubitable,
in itself or in its
insignificance it
becomes nothing.

But is to make itself
into nothing
to say that it is not
there to make itself?

It can think itself,
delete itself,
reach the furthest
bounds of existence:

It is the greatest
of all things
the only thing
that can both create

and escape nothing.

Everything

On the way
nearly
arriving
but slowly
soon
coming closer
getting there
making headway
growing close
gaining proximity

yet all along remaining
ever so distant
until...

the outstretched arm and hand finally plucks the apple from the tree, a spot it could not previously reach, and, attaining the only goal life has, there is no more.

Or, if we, during life, set ourselves goals, the process repeats itself in endless struggle until life's goal takes its tole.

But remember that however far away you are from your goal you are nearer than you think (tragic in life's case), while however near you think you are you are in fact further away: you're close even when you're far and far even when you're close;

man fails to notice the distance in proximity and the proximity in distance:

relatively, people are always both near and far, and a person can be nearer to you than another person when that person is far away and the other person is with you:

close and near do not have to imply spatial distance. I think by now I've got the point across.

To find peace, with the nomadic traveller, feel near to home far from it, and far from it when near: make home wherever you are.

But, then, aren't you confused, for you inevitably feel at home and far from home wherever you are? See it like this, as part of the contradiction of being, and/or erase "home" from your concepts entirely.

Freedom, true freedom, is precisely the acknowledgment of this contradiction in everything that occurs in the realm of existence which is the realm of its opposite, non-existence, nothingness. Appreciate everything as being both what it seems or appears to be and not what that is or, something else entirely. A red thing has no way other than through universal consensus of being a red thing, and if one person who has believed red to be "called" green since he was taught colors calls that red thing green he must also be right if truth is subjective, what each individual believes to be true is what is true for that individual, in which case the red thing is both red and green and any other color that you might want to call it, to incorporate everyone's perception, that is. But also, what is red? Red is not red but a color or a tint that some material has. That material is made up of different things that in fact are simply atoms which are more basic elements entirely.

The point is, and it is a BIG one: all essences are simply the appearance of a more fundamental essence. Therefore nothing is what it seems but each thing is infinitely divisible into other smaller things: a tree is not a tree but wood and roots and leaves, which are cells, etc.

But the key point about the contradiction of being is that due to the necessity of an opposite for each thing to be, each thing must be its opposite as well, and so each thing is both itself and its opposite and neither of the two but something else entirely. There, the key has popped out: there are three options to contradiction, not only itself and its opposite, but neither of the two as well. Nothing and the not of what you think, what a thing seems, pervades all being. Being has options that all must include being's opposite, non-being.

Think nothing as something and then always think nothing, peace of mind...

Waiting

Want to make something strange and incomprehensible

Yet expressing a profound meaning

Out of a bag of profound meanings I can't come to the one I'd like to use right now.

Its not as usual where I forget what comes to my mind, but as I wait for a thought to come to me, not becoming impatient, I guess I enjoy the waiting so much that thoughts just don't come to me, and I wait for them as at a red light that never turns green.

I must remind the reader that I am one of the rare people that not only doesn't mind traffic but actually enjoys it as a beautiful and interesting phenomenon of existence.

But, rereading the above, thinking about how thoughts don't come to me I came to the most important thought, the key to peace, existence's secret that affects all in some way or another, and as Benjamin says: like the parasitic elements, we must wait; in fact all we really do is wait for our deaths, the only sure thing in our lives. All things wait, whether they know it or not, but we are the only animals that become irritated with and at waiting. If we were to just enjoy waiting life would be so much easier and more enjoyable.

But we would probably become very lazy when there are always things we have to do.

No more to write tonight.
This morning.
I feel I need to write
I'll soon be snoring
blogged out
Let's be good
if I could I would
still write
but not tonight.
I can't rhyme, I'm out.

Normal?

Crumble,
never my way.
Always my way.
And eat it.
Cookies and Cake.

Decadence
Resourcefulness
Wealth
Poverty
Envy
Pity
Disgust
Disgust
Middle class view.

Carrying on,
what is normal?
To be similar to
and/or to want to
assimilate with
the majority or
popular, to be/become
like the ideal,
never the average
but to want to be
the best,
mediocrity perceived
as excellence,
to not recognize
what something is as
what it truly is, to
not think for oneself,
to respect tradition,
society, civilization,
for having raised them
(subconsciously)
To do, act, think like
their ideal, they cannot
be themselves. Normal is
no one and everyone for

everyone is in a sense individual and proud or upset with who they are but either way they acknowledge that they are and so in being individual they are different to everyone else as everyone is different to everyone else and no one is normal, but in a way everyone wants to blend in and must assimilate in order to get along with other people and we need to get along with other people because we are by nature gregarious and need to be with other people and people want normal people as friends so we must at least appear to be normal in order to gain trust and possibly respect: there is a level on which people connect to each other, outside of individuality which is different to everyone else, a level where people try to highlight, express, and discuss similarities so as to try to get along; normal is what people must become to work on this level, for conversation, even to survive through work which requires assimilation. This is level is the normal, where people search for similarities rather than differences, the latter occuring at the level of the individual.

Civilization

Muthos, mama,
from her womb
so many so far
born, bore
civilization,
the last,
the bastard
son that fucks
the anus of
humanity,
to get his
rocks off:
exploitation
knows no love,
only
improve itself
at all costs,
and to it man
sacrifices
happiness, his
improvement,
his freedom:
but reassured
that it will
live on, in it
he lives on;
a purpose...

all for a purpose: the continuation of the collective ideal. And in order man strives, thinking he does so for himself, his survival, for the improvement of civilization, which is against humanity and thinks not for its wishes, exploits humanity with its consumerism; civilization is the virus that makes all that it infects work for it against themselves, making humanity weaker as it grows stronger, as it makes everything easier for us to do. And people do not see that civilization is whats wrong, what wants to spread and domesticate the globe to do its chores, while it grows, wiping out the past, history, culture (its arch rival) and all who stand in its path of world domination. As the individual declines, civilization relishes in decadence. But it doesn't ruin us for no reason: it says that we, as a part of it, shall live on, as it lives on, and hence the more we contribute to it the more we live on. But it moves on leaving us in the dust, failing to recognize our efforts, our contributions, as we are all such small parts of its giant being that we matter not. Words of wisdom: Just please yourself.

Dread

The future
for what may come
I do not know
I never know
My heart may just
stop
I may be bombed
Or a supernova
all death
the unknown

If one fears fear one still fears nevertheless

And we fear something
where we wish we could
just remain collected

Can we love fear?
Danger and threat
gives a rush, a high,
worry and stress
is what certain people want,
perhaps they feel secure,
or they simply enjoy
the tension, the intensity
of suffering:

they feel good about feeling bad for themselves

feeling hard done by,
satisfied with their dissatisfaction,

perhaps they believe that the worse they feel the better they'll feel

that with bad necesarily comes good
in equal portions
but they torment themselves for this
and don't have time for the good

It can't be good to love fear

Surely we can fear love
if it has hurt us so
and we are not willing
to give it a second chance

But Dread is pointless
absolutely: when we fear
the unknown we are loving
fear - we are indulging
our tragic desire to worry,
things we may never know we
will never cease to worry about
things we may come to know about
we can prepare for, but we will
never know how its going to turn out
until it does, not as we expected it:
leave this realm to the fates:
whatever happens happens
we'll do what we want whether its
right or wrong and just know
that what we did we wanted to do,
or we would've done otherwise.

Its a waste of time for we could think of
millions of things we don't know to fear:
but those things we can do something about,
the answer is be prepared, and then just let
whatever happens happen.

Perhaps this is shitty advice reiterated over and over, unconvincing, too optimistic, and incoherent, but its the truth, so help me God.

Dichten means poetry in German

and by the way, although this site won't be in German, it will make manifest to the people the beckonings of the Gods, bringing man closer to his ideal, if only by bringing the ideal closer to man, with fluffyness and metaphor to shew away boredom and at the same time put out tediousness, distraction, and irritation by ending where I can and not reiterating myself or repeating myself or going over it all again ever again. I hope this will satisfy my impatient readers who expect too much and are angry when things do not meet these expectations. They cannot be satisfied but incessantly want more: if you'd like to find out why you do these things and if you'd like to change to be a happier, better person you cannot ignore what will soon follow.
Dichten, poetry in German, but in English, begins.